All I Want For My Birthday Is…

….some good ol Vitamin D! I’m not talking about the type you get from sitting in the sun all day. But this will also put a pep in my step and a smile on my face for a significant amount of time. This is a different type of recharge that I’ve been lacking for months now and it’s time I take an active role in rectifying this situation. I’m not opposed to paying for it, either. As a matter of fact…I’ll admit it…I’ve paid for it before. It cost me $350 of my own cold hard cash and it was worth every penny and more. It was the best I’d ever had and I’m still craving for more. Actually I’m simultaneously budgeting my account as I write this post so I can figure out how I can get it for my birthday. Now, before you go forwarding this honest admission of guilt to the proper authorities, let me explain.

One weekend, a couple of years ago, I met a guy at a friends paintball event. I noticed him as soon as he pulled up with one of our mutual friends’ girl friend. I wasn’t sure if the girl he came with was his girl or just his friend so I played it cool the entire time. Between me running from wet flying balls (de ja vu’) I noticed that this guy and his girl friend (read as two separate words) were interrogating me. Maybe they were just being overly friendly? By the end of the evening he grabbed my phone and inputted his phone number. Score!! He was a total cutie and I was feeling his unapologetic confidence.

Of course, there was a problem; he didn’t live in LA. Story of my life! What harm could come from staying in contact? We talked almost every day for the next several months after he returned to Chicago. Yes, several months. We had seriously considered ignoring the distance between us and pursuing a serious relationship. The chemistry we shared was rare and we both agreed, the least we could do was give it a chance. We would talk for hours and hours on end about our families, friends, dreams and aspirations.

While learning about imperative topics such as his morals and values, I learned something else almost as important. Homeboy had a freaky side. Before I knew it our conversation went from hopes and aspirations to naughty fantasies and erotic sex scenes. By the time he was heading back out to LA, I couldn’t wait to find out if his bark was as big as his bite.

As soon as I had him in his hotel room, I wasted no time in finding out. We had already spent the past 7 months connecting on an emotional level, so I didn’t see the point in delaying our other, ‘connections.’ We spent the entire 2 weekends acting out all of the fantasies we had created over the phone. But when he headed back to Chicago, I couldn’t shake the habit, I was addicted. He left my body feening for more and I did my best to put it out of my mind. I spent the next six months trying to get back to my old routine. When my body yearned for him, I went on more dates. When I had a scratch, I let the person I was seriously dating and attempting to build an emotional relationship with, scratch it. But the sex, it just didn’t compare. Neither did the emotional connection I once shared with him. So when I had a little extra money in my account, $350 to be exact, I let him know I was coming for more. By this time we had already decided not to pursue anything serious, so we knew what it was. For 3 days straight, he happily satisfied all of my sexual desires and then some. I swear it was better than what I remembered!

Unfortunately, that was the last time I had sex. Its been almost 6 months since that rendezvous and I feel that itch coming on again. I’ve done everything a responsible single female can do. I actively date and socialize but I still find myself without a suitable partner. At this point I don’t have time to meet someone and form a meaningful relationship before my birthday, so I’ve decided to revisit an old friend. I mean if I’m going to have casual sex with someone, it should be with someone who knows what they are doing. Who knows my body. Who knows how to make me twist and curl more than a pretzel. Who knows how to…(drools)….okay let me stop. I need to get back on Craigslist anyway to figure out how I can make some quick cash. My birthday is coming up soon, and there’s no better present I can think of getting myself, than him.

If you would like to contribute to the fund please contact me directly. All I need is 348 more dollars. Seriously! Its been too damn long and I deserve it.  Anonymous donations can be sent to the Silent Scorpion Vitamin D fund through PayPal.

Happy Birthday to me!

This post was originally a guest post for Simone’s blog Sex, Lies & Dating.