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On Confidence

August 19, 2009
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So no sooner than I finished my post, Why Women Like Assholes, did I experience a prime example of what I believe is the key to it all- confidence, or in this case, lack there of. Confidence comes into play so often in the early phases of a relationship and a lot of men still don’t understand that. Pay attention:  

He got my number. We talk on the phone, he’s mentioned how he wants to go out with me, I’ve expressed a desire to go out as well soooo… What is he waiting for?

This isn’t a case where I’m the jumpoff or he’s broke so… Why are we talking about going out and not actually going?

Maybe this is the reason (actual texts from dude):

11:44am (please take note of the time) Hey what time do you work today?  (I answer, but why did it take him so long just to respond…)

2:38 pm Did you want to go out today? (I ask him what time)

2:39 pm Later cuz I’m going to be at work for a while. (Not setting a time, even if it’s a ballpark figure, is just as annoying as people who are “engaged” for 2+ years without setting a date- ambiguity makes it that much more likely that it won’t happen.)

3:17 pm Want me to come out there? (I tell him it doesn’t matter and that I can meet him somewhere. This is just because I don’t want him to think he’s coming to my apartment at any point in the evening.)

4:59 pm Do you care what we do? (I tell him “no as long as it’s nothing big” because I really don’t want to run into people I know while I’m out with him…)

5:25 pm I figured I’d come out there. (ok… so next time don’t ask me if I want you to come. I just said no and you’re tryna come this way anyway…)

Meanwhile… I get another text…

5:28 pm I’m coming to your hood. Let’s go eat. You like (xyz restaurant)? (I respond, “ok…yes”)

…and just like that the rest of ol boy’s texts get ignored because he hesitated. Women like to be told, not asked.

The funniest thing is that he texted me the next day like “what happened?” and I’m such a bitch in 2009 that I just said “I went to go eat with my friend. I get impatient.” He hasn’t texted me since lol. He gave me a really easy out since I honestly didn’t want to talk to him that much in the first place anyway.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. August 20, 2009 9:19 am

    Problem #1 (well for me anyway): He texted you to set the whole thing up. If he really wanted to take you out and if he was a real man, HE WOULD CALL!!

    Problem #2: He is still unsure whether or not your like him: That’s his problem not yours. Obviously you have some interest in him otherwise you wouldn’t have carried on such a drawn out text conversation.

    Solution: He needs to go find his balls before he steps to any other woman. Next time he should just text (he really should be calling anyway) the following:

    12:15pm: I want to take you out tonight, are you free? (you reply within 2 minutes with an emphatic yes.

    12:18pm: Cool. Meet me at (insert cool restaurant here) at 7pm.

    Done and Done.

  2. August 20, 2009 6:10 pm

    I think most woman like what they can’t understand. Sometimes it may come off as being a asshole. Honestly most woman start off in control, because they can say no. Most woman loose control because there feeling takes over, thats when the man gains control. As soon as that happen, the man is title an asshole because he’s not 100% attentive like he was when they 1st start talking. Thats when all the drama starts…

  3. Kerry Crenshaw permalink*
    August 20, 2009 6:25 pm

    Silent Scorpion: I think you hit the nail on the head with the whole unsure thing… unsure= not sexy. Every text made me want to go out less and less.

    Freetobe: I agree with everything you said EXCEPT with the idea that we title dudes assholes after they stop being attentive. I mean, I’m sure that’s true for some people but in my particular case, it’s not. Ex 1 and ex 2 were assholes before I met them (I couldn’t even stand ex 2 before we started talking), while we were dating, and even to this day.

    And both of my ex’s (if I can remember correctly) stayed attentive throughout because I’m an attention whore. I can’t fuck with a dude that’s not giving me my QT…

    But your description of power-shifting is on point and the drama does get going when a dude gets inattentive…

    At least for me because “I’ll turn around and leave ya/nigga I don’t need ya” (The first person who names what song that’s from gets a prize!)

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