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You say she’s just a friend…

December 3, 2009

Recently one of my friends told me about the issues she was having with her boyfriend and a new co-worker he befriended. The issue is that he wants to hang out with this new girl one-on-one and can’t understand why it’s a problem. Not sure if he will read this post or not but here are the rules for “Homegirls/Homeboys” in relationships:

1) The person must not have been a previous sex partner
2) The person must have been acquired sometime before the current relationship

That’s it. Those are the rules in plain English. Please note: I know there are some people who are in relationships where the trust level is so high that these rules don’t apply to them. But as for the rest of us…

I’m always amazed when people use the terms homeboy or homegirl for someone that they have previously been sexually attracted to or involved with. I always thought the term meant a male or female friend you had a purely platonic relationship with. Is this not the case? If so we need to come up with new words for these people because the lines are definitely blurred. If I tell a man I’m dating that I’m out with a “friend” and that friend happens to be a man, I’m letting him know that this is no homeboy. That’s how I make my distinctions.

Now I pose this question to the men: How would you feel if your girlfriend wanted go out with a “homeboy” that she used to be involved with? Or a new “homeboy” who seemed to come out of nowhere? Chances are you won’t be so inclined to let her go out with either of these dudes.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. lola permalink
    December 3, 2009 5:19 pm

    So what to you call friends that you did have some type of sexual past with but no longer do. Some of my closest male friends are like this but we haven’t had any “relations” in a year plus and know their current girlfriends. I believe you can be just friends even after you weren’t just friends in the past. I also know that I am an exception to many of the rules rather than the standard.

  2. Grace Adler permalink*
    December 4, 2009 10:10 am

    I just call those men “friends”, your defiantly not my homeboy because we have sexual history and yea we may have a non-sexual relationship now…you still don’t get the homeboy title.

    I’m sure there are plenty of women who have these type of guy friends, but I was referring to the awkwardness and strain it can cause in a relationship when it comes to your partner having these type of friends

  3. December 5, 2009 3:12 pm


  4. December 10, 2009 5:09 pm

    I think people your partner have a sexual past with should be off limits when it comes to hanging out one-on-one. If you want to make it sound as unappealing as possible to your mate though I have a very quick, and easy way of doing that. Look him/her dead in the eye and say “Oh so we are hanging out with old f*&k buddies now? Ok just wanted to clarify so I know for future reference who I can hang out with”. There might be some argument back and forth, but surely once your mate considers the possibility that just like they have friends you also have friends their cock blocker mode will set in and problem will be solved.

  5. Youngbuck permalink
    December 11, 2009 3:11 pm

    I understand being friends with ex’s that over time you became just friends.

    I understand having male friends.

    I DON’T understand being friends with multiple F buddies, and calling them friends.

    My definition of HOMEGIRL or HOMEBOY is someone I am completely platonic with. And friends is left for someone who is damn near like family.

    I don’t understand having old flings be your friend while you deeply envolved with someone else. Cause if the chance came they would do you again, no question. I understand in rare cases befriending a f buddy and being platonic but multiple thats weird and I wouldn’t trust it.

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