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Be careful what you ask for…

March 15, 2010
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I hate admitting to this but I’m one of the many women who read Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like a Lady Think Like A Man,” …buuuuut in my defense I was tricked!

In the weeks prior to the book’s release Harvey shared relationship advice on his morning radio show and on one morning in particular, his common sense advice caught my attention. He was urging women not to respond to questions like “What do you like from a man?” or “What do you expect in relationships?” He said that it’s a fatal mistake to answer simply because if you tell a man what you want initially he’ll give you just that, exactly what you want for the first couple of months until he gets what he wants.

I’m not an advocate for Mr. Harvey’s book but I do co-sign this advice. I always make sure to tell guys what I’m looking for “I’ll know it when I see it, show me something.”

I already don’t advocate having a “type” because well I just don’t have one in the first place and I’ve found that when women force themselves to make up a tight box for their ideal mate, it seems to me that they miss out on a lot of perfectly good circles that don’t fit into the confines of the square. Also, I like to see how a guy acts when I don’t lead his hand. I like to know that he’s opening doors because it’s courteous and not because I told him “I hate it when men don’t open doors.”

After watching this video by relationship expert Paul Carrick Brunson I was further validated in my ideas about setting up a dating checklist.

(This video ties in with out discussion on support from a couple weeks ago).

Now ladies don’t get not having an endless checklist confused with good old fashioned standards… we all gotta have those, although some of us don’t.

~Kerry Crenshaw

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. Grace Adler permalink*
    March 15, 2010 9:18 am

    This is why I don’t give a list of requirements to someone I’m interested in. Hell, most of the time they don’t even know I’m interested. I do this mainly so he can be himself around me. Most men if they are interested enough will do whatever it takes to get what they want from a woman.

    And if he has a guide or a checklist of things the woman wants this will make his job that much easier. I say leave something to the imagination so he has to work harder to get to know you. This way you can see if you guys really are compatible and he’s not just mimicking some “list”.

  2. March 15, 2010 10:14 am

    Great post Kerry! This is somewhat a tangent but I’m curious why you alluded to being embarrassed about reading Steve’s book? I notice MANY folks saying the same thing but just haven’t heard much about why?

    Thanks!
    -Paul

    • Kerry Crenshaw permalink*
      March 16, 2010 8:40 am

      I’m just not into “self help” books… especially bad ones. I didn’t like the book for much. I prefer dialogue about issues as opposed to just reading one persons opinion on a subject (of course reading helps me to learn more as well… I just prefer dialogue).

  3. March 15, 2010 10:47 am

    I have his book. I actually felt like it gave a lot of God advice and I totally remember the week in which he gave a lot of advice from his book.

  4. bluestocking permalink
    March 15, 2010 1:43 pm

    Nice post … in my experience, though, nothing ever quite goes according to plan. I kind of worry that younger people might be getting the idea that if this or that doesn’t go “like it says in the book” it could be trouble for them. Like if anybody had told me that I would be marrying my husband, the first day I met him, I would never have believed it. He wasn’t “my type.” But I learned over a long time of being friends what this shy, wonderful guy was really like, and we’ve been together and really happy (touch wood) for sixteen years. Nowadays I’m reading these books so I can help my daughters navigate this crazy world.

    If you liked Steve Harvey’s book, you might have a look at the “response” book written by a woman: Act Like a Gentleman, Think Like a Woman.

    • Kerry Crenshaw permalink*
      March 16, 2010 8:41 am

      LOL Thanks for sharing! I didn’t know that book existed : )

  5. March 15, 2010 4:35 pm

    I agree that it’s not a good idea to give a guy a checklist. I personally prefer for things to be sincere instead of contrived or trying to check a box. At the same time it’s OK to not leave a guy hanging out there in the wilderness and giving him an idea of things that you like. If it’s important to me that a guy not be on his phone during dinner (which I know should be common sense) then I will let him know.

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