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Guest Blogger: Why She Won Me Over

April 14, 2010

During a mid day instant messaging session with Silent, we reminisced on how silly and conceded we once were at an early age. She posed a question that caught me off guard. She asked me “What did your fiancée do to catch you?” What did she do to get you to give up the life style that you so enjoyed?

See, before I settled down and became involved with my fiancée, we’ll call her “Nicole,” I was what Silent likes to call a “whoremonger.” From the age of 18 until 28 I pretty much dated and slept with who ever I wanted, I had girlfriends and cheated on them with no regard and no conscious. I was the nice guy who you would never have thought would cheat, but I did and enjoyed every ounce of it. My friends thought I could never be faithful… hell, I thought I could never be faithful. It was the life of a single man, and in my head I was single until I basically felt in my head that I was no longer single.

When Nicole came back into my life (we dated for a year and a half in college), we both had grown so much since our last time dating. And it had been 4 years and we both knew what we wanted out of life. Now no one is perfect, but I’d have to say she is perfectly built for me. All men aren’t like me so I’m just speaking for me.

See I’ve had my share of girlfriends as a matter of fact I was like Taye Diggs character in the movie “The Best Man” a “Serial Monogamous”.  I had girlfriends back to back to back. I’ve had the clingy type, the type that’s down for whatever, the type that wants to party all the time, the boring stay home type. I’ve had a wide array and no one was able to tie me down. Though they wanted to. I played along with them, playing into their fantasies: picking baby names, how many people will be at the wedding, how many kids we want the whole nine yards, what an asshole. Then shortly after I’d get bored then annoyed and I’d break their little hearts.

The thing about Nicole, which I wish more women would understand, is that from day one even in college, I felt like she didn’t need me. And what I mean by this is that, she is an accomplished woman, with a friendly extroverted personality, she has her B.A. & M.A. She works for a prestigious company, she owns her own house. She is independent, has her own friends and doesn’t try to hang with me and my friends. She doesn’t display any insecurity, and of course she is good with kids and great in the sack. Lastly which is very important for men she knows when to be submissive and when to speak her mind (a lot of women don’t know when to shut up).  Now you noticed I didn’t mention anything about cooking, cleaning, and all that “domestic” crap. That stuff is additional for me and nice to have but it’s not what won me over.

See there are a lot of women that’ll cook for you clean your drawls and give you good head and sex. But for me it’s the one that didn’t really need me that got me, the one that showed that her shit is together, that she didn’t need a man to define her or help her. When I realized how happy this made me it was like a switch and I was able to become completely monogamous and not want to leave ever again. I wanted her and I wanted her forever. It’s amazing how fast your recognize that, but it is more than obvious when it happens.

I really believe that the more independent and confident and self sufficient a woman is, the more appealing they become. When I see a beautiful woman that has her own, like Neyo says, it’s amazing, and she easily becomes marriage material.

Submitted by Youngbuck

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Reecie permalink
    April 14, 2010 11:54 am

    You sounded like a cold piece of work (royal asshole) but good for you for realizing you a good thing going and settling down.

    It’s always crazy to me when people spend years dogging out the opposite sex and just get to flip a switch and live happily ever after…but like the saying goes don’t hate the player hate the game.

  2. jane permalink
    April 14, 2010 12:14 pm

    I agree with Reecie, he is an a**** ole
    If he want a girl who don’t need him, well it’s better to stay alone than, so confusing !!!

  3. Mr. Fantastic permalink
    April 14, 2010 4:08 pm

    I disagree Jane. I think he’s right you don’t want a woman who NEEDS you, someone who’s life depends on being around you, because then you never really know if they care for you or they just love you for the void you fill in their lives.

    You want a mate who WANTS you forever, not needs. You NEED vegetables and water to survive, so you’ll eat them or whatnot, but it doesn’t mean you LIKE them.

    To YB: Def. a good look on figuring out you winning and bowing out the game. A lot of ppl might knock you for playin around all them other times, but if your mind and heart aren’t into settling down, and you’re doing it cuz other ppl think you should, it will still fail. But for those who keep playing after they think they’ve found the one because their friends think they should keep playing they always lose too. Well said.

  4. April 14, 2010 5:33 pm

    I’m glad you found your one.. But I have a question: Why was it necessary to play into others women’s fantasies if you knew that’s not what you wanted?

  5. Whitney permalink
    April 14, 2010 11:10 pm

    I love it!

  6. Youngbuck permalink
    April 14, 2010 11:22 pm

    @Mr. Fantastic, well said I couldn’t say it any better. I don’t think men want a woman who’s existence depends on them.

    @melissakatisha Yes I’m glad I found her too. To answer your question as to why I played into their fantasies, well its because that’s what woman want to hear sometimes. My mentality was like 50 cent said “man I really don’t care I tell them hoes whatever they wanna hear” . I wanted to get mine and make whatever girl happy at the time even if I wasn’t positive the relationship was gonna turn into a marriage. Not all dudes are as bad as I was, i may have been an extreme case but it was my reality.

  7. April 18, 2010 10:02 pm

    10pm on a sunday night and i had to drink to this shit.
    simply fantastic.
    even the “bad guys” can get a happy ending.
    you just gave me hope and that shit deserves a hand clap.

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