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You Never Asked

April 21, 2010

A guy who has lied by omission will almost always respond with, “you never asked.” Like I was supposed to think of a Maury-Springer situation (i.e. multiple baby momma’s and secret girlfriends) and ask if it applied to you. I’ve always had a hard time asking questions of the guys that I’m dating for a number of reasons:

1) I don’t want him to think I’m “On” him– Once you start asking a guy questions about his love life, they think you are trying to marry them.

2) I don’t need to know all the answers…right away-In the beginning there needs to be an element of mystery to keep you interested.

3) I don’t want to be lied to-Yeah I said it, men will lie about everything from the time of day to what color the sky is. So I won’t give him this opportunity by asking a question that will make him uncomfortable I know he will lie about .

4) Actions speak louder than words-Most of the questions I need answered, will be answered by what you do, not what you say.

I’ve adopted this practice after my last relationship in which I knew too much. Yes, there is a such thing as knowing too much about your partner. If I feel like I’m into you enough the questions will come naturally if they don’t then well…you never asked.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Dee permalink
    April 21, 2010 8:03 am

    I agree 100% I feel the same way, but recently I read the book “act like a lady think like a man”, by Steve Harvey, he gave five essential questions tat SHOULD be asked before any woman gets too deep
    1. What are your short term goals?
    2. What arw your long term goals?
    3.What are your views on relationships ?
    4.what do you think about me?
    5.How do you feel about me?
    I haven’t yet asked these questions to a man I was really interested in not just because of the reasons above bur also because I’m horrified of rejection n feel like I always need to “play the game” I just cant loose, so for all he knows I’m not interested…. I’m begining to wonder how pathetic I’m getting?

  2. Grace Adler permalink*
    April 21, 2010 8:07 am

    I need to write those questions down or commit them to memory because I’m at a loss when it comes to knowing what to ask a guy that i’m dating, when I am interested.

  3. Kerry Crenshaw permalink*
    April 21, 2010 8:22 am

    This sounds like something I wrote… did you take a page out of my mind?

    Only, for #1 it’s not that I don’t want him to think I”m on him… it’s that I”m usually NOT on him yet… and #3 that’s kind of sad that you start off assuming every dude is going to lie so you purposely don’t ask question. I never think that… but then again, I have been lied to so maybe I should LOL

  4. "MAN" permalink
    April 21, 2010 12:52 pm

    You know growing u I was always taught that a closed mouth didn’t get fed… It wasn’t until I grew up and realized that this qoute didn’t only apply in the literal sense but to anything and everything you succeedin cutting yourself short on! Through past relationships I’ve been a victim as well as an advocate to the “don’t ask don’t tell” montra but also realized that by doing so only creates a big ass mess to clen up in the end! Going back to the “lies of omission” I’ve taken my own advice and learned to tell the truth no matter how bad it might seem! But that’s the thing, “ASK and thou shall receive.” I’ve learned to ask questions that I’m READY to hear! F@#! Making it seem like “I’m on them!”Becuz chances are I AM! That’s our problems we spend so much time riding on our HIGH HORSES that when something hits us (valuable info) that makes us fall off we cry reminding us that we’re not so big and BAD like we thought! And that maybe if we didn’t spend so much time on reasons 1 and 2 that it couldve been avoided! Now if the dude wants to omit by lying is a totally different case -something that you can’t control, but at least at the end of the day you can honestly say “YOU ASKED!!”

    “If there’s nothing to lose and only something to gain by asking then ASK!” -Albert Einstein

  5. jane permalink
    April 21, 2010 2:15 pm

    Well, if we asked all those question, probably there is a chance he can lied also.
    He can tried what ever you like to pleased you, but it doesn’t mean is true.
    So confusing. damn if you asked , damn if you don’t asked.

  6. Mr. Fantastic permalink
    April 21, 2010 2:18 pm

    I understand what Grace is talking about seeming “on them”, its the principle that sometimes you’re asking questions when you’re trying to decide to be “on them” or not, and the more immature tend to take that as moving too fast or whatnot. The cure to that is leaving, of course, because the person who wouldn’t mind laying down with you, but doesn’t want to tell you about the ppl that came before you probably isn’t developed to the point that you might want in an adult relationship.

    And I def. agree that asking puts the ball in their court for accountability for all that goes on/gets found out after that point, because you can’t MAKE them tell the truth or even answer, but at least you did your part.

  7. April 21, 2010 5:51 pm

    COULD i love this blog anymore??

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