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How to set up a Booty Call

May 13, 2010

If you have a penis, please stop reading.

I know ya’ll are stubborn so you’re gong to continue reading this anyway so just know this post probably won’t help you set up the booty call you desire. There are men laws I know nothing about so I can’t help you. This is for the women who may be at a point where they don’t want a relationship, but still have a healthy sexual appetite that they aren’t sure how to satisfy. I can only share what I’ve learned from my one experience so listen closely.

A few years back, after I ended my long term relationship, and after several failed attempts at dating (kind of like my current status) I decided to make a “friend” of mine, my cuddle buddy/Maintenance Man. I don’t know what you kids call it these days, but when I had an itch that I wanted him to scratch.

I went into this arrangement with open eyes. I knew he had a reputation for being great in bed and he was somewhat of a womanizer, so there wouldn’t be any hard feelings between us. I made sure to slowly cut off our friendship as we went along, so that there was no confusion as to what we were doing. At one point we would talk a few times a week and text message daily but then that changed to me only calling him when I wanted him and no time in between. I think there were six important rules that made this arrangement work for me, and this would be the only way I would enter into a booty call in the future…

1. I was the only person in charge of the set up. Unbeknownst to him, he was not allowed to plan our rendezvous’. If he attempted to arrange a meeting, I made sure to always be “too busy.” I on the other hand, would call at 2 a.m. right after I left the club, to tell him I was coming over. I figured if he was responding to my messages, his bed must have room for me. As a matter of fact, most of the time we met up he didn’t know I was coming until a short time before I arrived…

2. I never called more than a few hours before coming over. Plans change, so there was no need to set anything up on Monday for Wednesday. I called him when I needed him and no time in between. I would finish whatever I was doing, head home for a wash up and…

3. I always went to his house. First off, I lived with my sister and close friend. Since he was no one special, he didn’t need to meet them, ever! Our “friendship” was relatively new at that point so he hadn’t met them before we began. Doing everything at his place made it so that I could come and go as I pleased at his house. When we were done “listening to Kelly’s 12 Play,” I would roll over until he fell asleep. It was important that there was…

4. No cuddling. See because we weren’t actually dating, I really had no warm bubbly feelings for him, so I was perfectly okay resting on the opposite side of the bed hardly touching him. I think not cuddling helped curb the development of any feelings for him and it made…

5. Leaving before the sun came up, that much less of an adventure. Since our limbs weren’t intertwined, I could quietly tippy toe out of bed, quickly dress and leave. I remember one time I owed him some cash so I left it on his dresser before I left. He told me later that he felt like a cheap hooker. I still chuckle now as I did then when he sent me that text message. After that morning, he wanted to start dating me seriously, but I made it up in my mind that…

6. I would not dare be seen in public with him. I made sure this never happened for two reasons. The main reason is because I felt going out in public and having sex would equal dating and since I was tired of dating, there was no need to go anywhere with him. Also, all I needed was a nosey mutual friend to catch us together and start lecturing me about what I already knew about the guy.

Ladies have you ever had a Maintenance Man? Would you ever consider it?

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Youngbuck permalink
    May 13, 2010 8:22 am

    Silent … it actually sounded to me that you learned how to be a Man. The things you were doing are basically everything a man does and wants to do with a booty call. I would of been more than happy to accommodate your booty call back in the day. You did everything right. The man didn’t even have to work. Nice! Lucky guy got the goods without the headache. lol

    Men unfortunately have to play a few more head games with women because women don’t like to feel cheap. So you have to make them feel wanted and needed a bit. But the rest sounds just like how a man would play it.

    Good break down.

    ~youngbeezznuck

  2. Jane permalink
    May 13, 2010 8:51 am

    I agree, you did everything right.

    I have a “short term needs maintenance man”, under no circumstances is he to make the plans and I make sure we don’t run into each other or chat casually between maintenance.

    I think more woman think like men, more than men would like to us too.

    Great posting!

  3. Grace Adler permalink*
    May 13, 2010 10:56 am

    Rule number 4 is so important if there is a mutual understanding of the booty call both parties should know that cuddling is not at all necessary. I know men think it’s needed for women to not feel used. But bringing intimacy into the equation only confuses things.

  4. May 13, 2010 2:52 pm

    i would like to say that i have a penis and i read past the first sentence. that is all. lol

  5. Mr. Fantastic permalink
    May 13, 2010 4:46 pm

    LOL. I like that all the guys agree that this is how men behave AND would be okay with this situation. I’ve actually had an “on-call” booty call. Pretty much only there for when I was NOT in a relationship. Kinda like that part-time job you can always work when you’re home from school. It was awesome.

  6. May 13, 2010 8:46 pm

    So true! You have to set the rules, name the place and the time. Hold all the cards and if that person has a problem…move on. Never go out on a date, only text or have phone convos less than 5 minutes. I think the most important of all though is that BOTH parties are aware of the situation and are on board. No developing of feelings allowed!!!

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