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Your Move

June 8, 2010
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Is there a formula for how distant of a relationship you need to have in order to talk to someone’s old work?

I just found out that one of the guys I’m talking to used to talk to a girl I went to high school with whom I got cool with later on in life (like last year). I kick it with her almost every time we’re in our respective cities but I never tell her like my business or anything.

…And that’s exactly why when I had an inkling that they had a little history I never asked. We’re just not that close…

So imagine my dismay when in a semi-serious conversation (serious for him, background noise to me) new boo casually dropped in the fact that he “used to talk to ‘Ashley’ (said friend) …but of course you knew that already.”

No I didn’t. And I kind of want to continue on with life pretending that I didn’t buuuuuuttttt unfortunatey I don’t have the liberty to do so.

I’m trying to make my next move my best move sooooo… any thoughts? I use the term ‘friend’ loosely when it comes to her. She’s less than a friend but more than an associate …but question is, is she too close in my circle to keep talking to him? Am I playing with fire?

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. DonnieQuest permalink
    June 8, 2010 7:11 am

    I would gauge the situation as a “how upset would I be if this friend stopped hanging out with me because I’m dating this other person” kind of thing. If the friendship is more important than the potential boo, then I’d ask her opinion. If vice versa who cares. And if neither apply, then I’d stick around to see how it played out, just for the learning experience lol.

    • Mr. Fantastic permalink
      June 8, 2010 7:29 am

      I agree with Donnie. If you wouldn’t be too torn up by her departure, then you should just do what you do. But If its a bigger issue, then talk to her about it. “I didn’t know you talked to so and so.” Because it might just turn out that it wasn’t that deep. Its the ’10 and if she was like it was just a fling of a thing, have at it, then you’re clear.

  2. June 8, 2010 8:49 am

    So the two previous comments advise gauging your actions by how important you feel the relationship with the friend is. You hang out occasionally. You feel she is important enough to ask your readers for some guidance, hence she should be important enough to give a heads up to. 1. How soon should the heads up be given? 2. Should this friendship decide whether you continue talking to this guy? 3. If the guy ends up just being a fling for you, does it really matter if she ever knows? 4. You already stated you don’t share that part of your life with your friend normally, so why start now? You live in different cities, after all. Now if you see something serious down the horizon with the guy, then that’s another matter. Considering how nonchalantly the guy brought up the subject, he figures you girls already spoke on it. If they keep in contact, he may have already told her. You stated “one of the guys I’m talking to,” so this tells me this guy is just one of a group. Nothing special yet. I think you should not make an issue of this for the time being, unless you just need an excuse to remove this guy from the line up. Understand that once you start talking about this part of your life with your friend, she may expect both of you to continue sharing such info with each other. The world is getting smaller by the day. The chance of circumstance like this happening are growing. One last note. I believe a real friend would not get in the way of your long term happiness, even it that meant you are with someone they previously loved. If you truly love someone, you want to see them happy.

  3. Kerry Crenshaw permalink*
    June 8, 2010 11:31 am

    *zips lips*

    I honestly don’t care about either one of these people that much. I’m just one of those people that always tries not to step on other people’s toes.

    Thanks for the advice sirs

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