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How one “little” thing can change a lot

August 20, 2010

I’ve been debating about writing this post for several weeks now but I’ve realized that having this on my mind has impeded any and all future posts so here it is. For the last couple of months I was seeing a guy. Who from all accounts was amazing, yes I used the A word. I met him through a mutual friend and was finally letting my guards down. You want to know how I knew I liked him, I didn’t write about him. Not a word. Only a few subliminal tweets here and there. For weeks on this blog I wouldn’t even mention that there was a him. He was my little secret and I was happy. Wow, there goes another big word. The H word.

Being that he knew a friend of mine, and because he told me a little about his past, I knew this guy had a somewhat of a shady record. No he wasn’t signed to Eminem’s label, he just enjoyed his college experience to the fullest. He was a small hoe, is there a such thing as a small hoe. It may not sound better than big hoe to you, but it helps me sleep at night. Honestly, knowing about this history gave him bonus points. Silent have you fallen and bumped your head? Not at all, stay with me. Because I knew that a lot of girls wanted him, a few a lot of girls had him but he wasn’t looking for anyone else but me. He had satisfied my desires on a mental and emotional level for several weeks so the time was coming for him to satisfy me in other ways.

BUT, oh for heaven sakes why did there have to be a but. There was a little problem. Literally! I was so shocked when I found out I had to check again, on two occasions just to make sure. I felt like a little girl who just found out that there was no Santa. This guy was sexy as hell with intelligence and ambition to match. I would attach a picture of his body just so you can drool as much as I did when I saw his chest for the first time but I won’t. I’m keeping those pictures for memories. He was winning me over one day at a time, with mini debates and on all accounts I liked him. Gasps. There goes the biggest word of all, the L word. BUT, yep here is that damn but again. He had a Little Willy.

Why?

Why??

WHY?!?!???
I didn’t believe it. Say word? Where is the rest of his penis, I thought as I let my hand navigate is tiny boat. Calling it a boat doesn’t sound that bad right? Wrong. When you compare it to the submarine or even ship I was expecting, finding the tug boat was severely disappointing. When I felt it in my hand for the first time I thought I had accidentally felt something else. Maybe his ball was short and stumpy. No!!!!!! It was his penis. His poor poor little bitty penis. What a waste of the past several weeks. For a few days I actually contemplated going all the way with him. Then I slapped myself back to my senses. I’m not the type of girl who can fake ooh’s and aahh’s. Sexual chemistry is an important part of any relationship I decide to commit myself to and well, I woulda cheated. That wouldn’t have been fair to either of us, so I let him go. I came up with an excuse and cut off all ties. It was hard (not him the break up…unfortunately) because I genuinely missed him but I couldn’t imagine tugging that boat one more time. I’ll let the next girl test the motion in the ocean farce theory.

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15 Comments leave one →
  1. Grace Adler permalink*
    August 20, 2010 7:33 am

    Lmao @ tug boat, I wonder if there is some correlation between small size and multiple partners? I mean you would think he would have to take down a lot of girls because once they find out what he’s working with they are on to the next. But what about word of mouth? Girls talk ALOT so you would think his rep would have been tarnished.

    Maybe men like that should consider being “relationship guys”, if that’s possible given his size. That way they know she’s going to be there no matter what because she loves him. I kinda feel sorry for these guys because they were dealt the short end of the stick (pun definitely intended) lol.

    • Kerry Crenshaw permalink*
      August 20, 2010 9:57 am

      You took the words right out of my mouth…

  2. August 20, 2010 7:46 am

    yikes! My one question is how could he be such a philanderer when there wasn’t so much to philander WITH? Wouldn’t word get around on campus? *scratches head*

  3. August 20, 2010 8:00 am

    damn son. i agree with you. sexual chemistry means a lot. at least it does with me. i don’t think i could seriously be with someone who didn’t satisfy me sexually. perhaps you did the right thing. time will tell.

  4. August 20, 2010 11:29 am

    You sound like a hoe sorry. That’s just like a guy saying if his girlfriend doesn’t have a bigg ass he’s going to cheat. you might be single forever lol

    • August 20, 2010 2:40 pm

      I would never actually cheat on a mate. Which is why I wouldn’t get in a relationship with someone I’m not sexually fulfilled with. If you read the very next sentence you would see I clearly spoke on the issue of sexual compatibility.

    • Grace Adler permalink*
      August 20, 2010 2:44 pm

      LMAO! I’m sorry I’m just going to take it there dj sounds like a guy with a small penis. Maybe he/she didn’t get the context of your joke.

  5. August 20, 2010 11:29 am

    You did the right thing by this guy. You should never enter into a relationship where your already considering cheating on them before it even starts. smh.

    • August 20, 2010 3:17 pm

      I would never enter a relationship with someone I couldn’t be fully committed to. Sexual compatibility is a large part of chemistry for me. If we don’t have it, I won’t commit. I’ve never cheated before and never plan on it.

  6. blackiecollins1 permalink
    August 22, 2010 6:29 pm

    hehehe …tug boat. and LOVE the pic, of course.

  7. Mr. Fantastic permalink
    August 23, 2010 8:58 am

    To answer the question about the way “Tiny Tim” got to sleep around even with word of mouth is simple, he prolly eats pussy like he’s at a Chinese Restaurant (please excuse my racism).

    I went to a college with a pretty close-knit community. Didn’t hurt that we had probably a 12:1 ratio of women to men, but that’s neither here nor there. The women on campus talked about who was hung, who was not, and who was servin’ up that chin action. There was literally a dude who would give up the beard to any and everyone. Some girls would even LEAVE getting served tell they friends that they GOTTA try it, and the other girl would go down there within a day or two. As unsanitary as this is to begin with, he was also having sex with these girls, perhaps as a reward for his community service.

    The Little Engine that Could from your story might have actually been like this guy where he NEEDED word of mouth to help him score, which is why he was a “reformed” hoe. The Post-grad world doesn’t have the same communication network college did.

    • August 23, 2010 9:08 am

      lol…thank you for the eloquent explanation.

      • August 26, 2010 1:01 pm

        lol…I know I was thinking how can SiSi write a post about a guy with a small wang yet Mr. Fantastic comes and easily has the most vulgar comment lol.

        Anyway…good for you for being real about your expectations and cutting it off. Men do it all the time to women if they feel like a woman doesn’t have the right tools/attitude/willingness to please so I’m all for women exercising their rights as well.

  8. August 24, 2010 4:44 pm

    WELP … I completely subscribe to the same school of thought .. I can LIKE the hell out of you .. but if the sex isn’t up to par … I lose interest. I’m not going to fool myself into thinking I can be happy with bad sex. Any girl who does is asking for trouble. I am a sexual being and proud of it … I’m not afraid to bench someone if they can’t keep up!

    I also know that just because someone was a philander-er doesn’t mean they were good at it. Quantity isn’t the same as quality. He may have given a lot of girls the D .. doesn’t mean they enjoyed what he gave them… #imjustsaying.

  9. Gigi permalink
    September 6, 2010 12:05 am

    He was a ho, cause once a chick found out his size, she bailed. He had to get around, just to gte some action.

    He can’t help it though. That’s the dick he was born with.

    Good for you girly. Im going to have to start feeling people up first.

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