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Step 1: Admit that you have a problem…

September 7, 2010
by

I partially blame myself. No I completely blame myself… It was all on me to sit him down and have the talk early enough but I never did. I was too consumed with work, or having house guests, or running to the store for more popsicles (cuz what’s a summer without popsicles?)… it was always something. But in my defense I really didn’t think any of this was that necessary, at least not this soon!

We talked about this briefly in the comments section before (although now I see that it’s definitely time for a full-on post) but young people back west tend to have a terrible, and when I say terrible, I mean terrible view of relationships. Most of us are allergic. I mean, we’ll carry on an unofficial relationship, with no title, for forever and a day (I dated my ex for six or seven months before we made it official!) but we’ll do whatever we can to avoid anything “too serious.” Now obviously I can’t speak for everyone (just 80 percent of the people I know) but I’m saying it’s a much more common occurrence on the east coast that groups of friends are paired off. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself at a birthday dinner party as the odd number out. But I guess all that has ended now…

Brace yourself Cereal Readers…

I found out, last night in a room with him and three of my closest friends that I, Kerry “I don’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend” Crenshaw, am in a relationship. Wait whaaaaattttttt? When did this happen?

Ok not really but…

Last night was the first time I brought him out around our friends… together. I couldn’t tell you how many “our’s” and “we’s” were thrown around. I can’t tell you how many times I tried to cut my eyes at him every time he said anything that had anything to do with us. It was like he was announcing “us” to the world… an “us” I didn’t even know existed five minutes prior and instead of being flattered, which I’m assuming he thought I would be, I was mortified. Mortified! And when he dropped the R-word (relationship… you know, as referring to OUR relationship) I felt the fancy dinner I’d had a couple hours earlier start to climb up my throat. I wanted to trade everything that had happened between us prior to this evening (which was fun!) for whatever was happening now (utter dispair and emotional turmoil)….

Editor’s note: The original version of this post ended here with the typical… “Oh no, what do I do? How do I get out of this situation?” question at the end. But after a few more days of this guy being at my house (with no breaks) and me realizing “hey I actually like this guy” and “hey, maybe it’s time I checked my own messed up views toward relationships for a change and roll with this.” The post now ends like this:

Fast forward a few days later…

I called Silent Scorpion and Grace Adler to explain how “horrible” the last three days in the house had been. “But you don’t understand we stayed up all night and talked. He kept paying so much attention to me, it was so annoying! Everyone I had invited over kept remarking how cute of a couple we were and I had to keep correcting them. And then we had so much fun, and I really started liking him. It was terrible.”

I really couldn’t get them to understand why the situation was so bad. Then I realized that was because it wasn’t. My problem was not that I went into this lightheartedly and came out with something more… it was that I wanted to go into this and not develop real feelings, because real feelings mean that I run the risk of getting hurt. Again.

I JUST got out of something so this is super quick and super scary for me but I decided that instead of trying to deny my feelings like a typical L.A. person would do I’m just gonna let stuff happen. Again. I’m not going to tell him how much I don’t want to be in a relationship (read: how afraid I am of falling for someone), I’m just going to let whatever the fuck is happening, happen.

But if this ends badly, again. I promise this will be the last fucking time I will ever ever ever, do this… well at least until someone cuter and cooler comes along! Wish me luck!

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. Mr. Fantastic permalink
    September 7, 2010 8:34 am

    If a cereal dater is warming up to someone, does that make them Oatmeal ? Just curious.

    But that is great that you ease into a relationship. Relationships usually fall apart because, ESPECIALLY us west coasters, try to put soooooo much definition into them. A relationship is rarely defined, it just IS. And that’s how you fall into them without even knowing.

    Congrats/My Condolences (based on how you feel today),

    Mr. Fantastic

  2. September 7, 2010 9:30 am

    This is all too familiar!

    One day you just having fun, the next your just having more fun.. and a few months later it’s comes to light — you just might be unofficially officially in a relationship.

    The horror..

  3. September 7, 2010 9:54 am

    you know they say you usually find someone when you aren’t looking for them? i say go along for the ride. if he treats you right and you like him see where it goes.

  4. September 7, 2010 9:59 am

    Update: Don’t mind the dramatics. It took her 3 days (read: 3 months), and 2 tubs of ice-cream for her to realize that its okay to be happy with someone, to let them into the crazy world that is Kerry.

    She’s fine and is letting it flow.

    1 Cereal Dater down…Grace and I are going into hiding…

    • Kerry Crenshaw permalink*
      September 7, 2010 12:12 pm

      Don’t lie to these people…

      I’m down but don’t count me out… I haven’t made any agreements to nothing!

  5. Darrell permalink
    September 7, 2010 3:00 pm

    I’m a proponent of not looking for love but letting love find you. You obviously weren’t hiding well enough. I know, I’m an experienced hider. Wish you the best!

  6. September 8, 2010 2:22 pm

    I’m glad you came to your senses before I had to go off! lol.

    You know it is a crazy concept, but there are so many people who are in happy relationships. Good men and good women coming together and making it work. That’s a beautiful thing and something to definitely embrace and appreciate.

    I think women talk so much about men who don’t know how to recognize a good thing and hold on to it, yet sometimes we let the people who have hurt us prevent us from being open to a man who will do the right thing. So it can be a vicious cycle, but I’m glad it seems like you are being open. It’s all about being humble, open, and wise about your decisions and your conduct. It’s always a gamble when you are entering a relationship but at least have fun with it and see where it takes you.

  7. September 8, 2010 10:35 pm

    How do you think I feel Kerry? I didn’t realize I was in a pseudo-relationship until an argument….but almost 9 months later I am happy where I’m at….enjoy, take it one day at a time and let it flow!!!

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