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Why I Won’t Tell Facebook My Status

September 16, 2010

Is having a man like getting an Oscar? This is not a completely rhetorical question. Think about it, when a woman gets into a relationship, they implore an awkward conversation about the public link. I use to think that without putting it on Facebook, a relationship wasn’t serious. Boy has that opinion totally changed!**

One of my girls recently entered a relationship and decided to let the world know by linking with her new beau on Facebook. I am excited and happy for her because she’s excited and happy. I can see the joy in her new profile pic with this new man but I’m sorry the party bus stops there. Why is it that in 12 hours, she has already had 7 people, all girls mind you, comment on the relationship change? It really got me thinking, is this the third most important change in a relationship for an adult, behind getting married and having a baby.

This is exactly the opposite of how I will handle entering a relationship. It will not be plastered across the internet for my friends to see. Only my imaginary reader friends who wouldn’t know me from Joe Smcho will have that pleasure. But Facebook, I won’t even make a peep about it.Those who know me will have been along for the ride so they won’t have to throw me a yay you’re committed to one person party.

Here are a few reasons why:

1. People you haven’t talked to in ages will now have a reason to say something stupid on the internet. Some people just don’t know how to shut up, and putting it on Facebook gives them open reign on your current status. Don’t be surprised if your girl, who you don’t even talk to says, “Girl, someone done finally tamed that wild horse.” What your man sees, “Girl you stopped hoeing and got some schmuck to put a status on it, he stupid.

2. When If you break up, all the thirsty men who were waiting their turn will now send you personal messages asking for a chance.

“Hey seexy (they usually can’t spell so there will be two e’s in sexy). I see you aint wit you man no mo, can I holla.” Don’t turn your face upside down, you set yourself up for this.

3. If your relationship is complicated, why oh why would you tell the world. When I see a girl whose relationship is complicated, I think two things. She’s single and dating a married man who will never leave his wife and hasn’t come to grips with it yet or her man dumped her but she doesn’t want to automatically jump from in a relationship to single so she’s fronting.

4. People who do put their relationship on Facebook up sometimes become really bitter after the break up. What usually ensues is some uncomfortable Jerry Springer type fight or rant about how their ex is a no good dirty bastard. Please keep that nonsense behind closed doors. If you really want the world to see the two of you fight, Jerry is still on the air so take it there. At least then you’ll get a small check and become a trailer park celebrity.

**I am not knocking anyone who wants to express this change with the world, I am simply stating that it is not for me.

**Only acceptable updates are marriages not engagements. Its not official til you have a ring and even then…

Do men also do this, do you guys ask your new girlfriend to link with you on Facebook. Do you feel your relationship isn’t valid unless you do? Speak your peace in the comment section.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. Mr. Fantastic permalink
    September 16, 2010 9:52 am

    FB is the devil anyway. Sometimes don’t put the relationship status on fb and they still spend three weeks ranting about the dude that did em dirty or whatever. Also, sometimes the relationship post is to keep the hyenas off your mate, so you don’t have to deal with going to their page and seeing “Hey baby when you comin’ over like old times again?” because that’s not out of line for someone who doesn’t know that you’re off the market.

    Oh and “It’s complicated” also has a 3rd meaning, “We broke up cuz he was full of shit, but I ain’t found no replacement swipe yet, so we’re still fuckin’ 3 times a week and thus you gonna still see us together.”

  2. Grace Adler permalink*
    September 16, 2010 1:12 pm

    “Hey seexy (they usually can’t spell so there will be two e’s in sexy). I see you aint wit you man no mo, can I holla.”—–>LMAO so true.

    And men usually don’t change their relationship status nor do they want her putting up a link to their fb page. I think that’s the difference between men and women when they get into a relationship, woman want to celebrate it whereas men want to keep it to themselves.

    One my guy friends changed his status when he got into a relationship and most of his comments were from his guy friends making fun of him or asking if he got her pregnant or something. Smh.

  3. September 16, 2010 2:10 pm

    I’m mostly with you on this one SiSi. I think it is better to keep your status off facebook, but I think when you get engaged it is an appropriate time to update it. I just think when you put your status on there you kinda become a freakshow. If it says you’re single then it attracts a bunch of horndogs. If it says you’re in a relationship when you break up you look like a loser. So…it’s kinda like a lose/lose situation. I would put my status up there if it is something that a bf insisted on but I would prefer if both of our statuses were private versus both being linked.

    With that said I don’t think you have to hide the fact that you are in a relationship. Discretion about what you say is always important though. As tempting as it is to go on there and rant about something idiotic your man does the hell you have to pay for it later is so not worth it!

  4. rethots permalink
    September 17, 2010 5:32 am

    Interesting. Like Margaret Thartcher said, “If you have to tell people you are a lady, then, you ain’t.” So, oftentimes when people felt obligated to tell the whole world (oops, virtual world) daily (& relationship) updates, then, something whispers (lack) of self…….confidence (or something like that.

  5. September 17, 2010 6:28 am

    i would never put my relationship status on facebook. i have like 1300 friends on there. all those people are not my friends. they don’t need to know my business. people put too much out on the internet. your whole life doesn’t have to be documented on these internets. smh

  6. Rachel Ballard permalink
    September 17, 2010 8:43 am

    I couldn’t agree with this more! I just recently started dating someone and for some reason I’ve felt this major conflict about updateing my facebook status to in a relationship. I’m not sure why, mostly I think I don’t want to hear the comments like you said from someone I haven’t talked to in years saying something ridiculous about tamming me. I’ve also always felt like people view you and treat you differently if you are in a relationship like you finally belong to some secret club, like it makes you special just cause your dating someone, why can’t you just be special on your own?? I think if you truly like someone it should be enough for just the both of you to know that, and whom ever cares enough to ask.

  7. Leanne permalink
    October 19, 2010 5:13 am

    Thanks for this wonderful post! Made me feel less insecure about my current boyfriend not posting his relationship on facebook!!

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