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Hoe’s > Bro’s?

September 24, 2010

Please use “no homo” and “pause” wherever you see fit in the following post.

So the other day I was trying to find out what the female equivalent of “bromance” is. The Urban Dictionary had two definitions:

Ho’mance -The female equivalent of a bromance. Describes the complicated love and affection shared by two straight females.

-A bromance for girls

The former term I don’t care for, but the latter I can work with. Eventhough, I’m not an old black woman and refer to my girlfriends as “Sista”. Anyway my need to find the proper term for such a relationship arose when I met Jessica. It’s easy for me to make associates but not so easy for me to make close friends. But I could easily see that happening with her (no homo). We’ve hung out once since our meeting and found that we have a lot more in common. Maybe too much in common, see I left out a minor detail in our meeting.

Confession time: When I first met her and she told me the circle of guys she hangs around with. I immediately thought about this dude that I well…. long story short….*sigh*….”deal with.” This guy, who knows (read: slept with) almost every girl in LA and the surrounding areas, has probably slept with or is currently sleeping with Jessica. Call it women’s intuition, or just knowing this guys’ type. I had to be sure I wasn’t tripping, so when I stored my number in her phone I checked for his contact, which I know is rather thirsty of me but the suspense was killing me and there was no way I was asking and low and behold there he was.

Now what do I do? I know the saying is hoe’s before bros sistas before mistas but she’s a new friend associate. If I find out they talked in the past I will have to let her go cause he was here first and for the simple fact that Jessica is not physically capable of doing the things he can do for me. But if I find out they are messing around now, I’ll have to cut them both of them off cause that’s just gross. What do we do schedule time with him like Bill and his wives from Big Love? Ew no. So do I keep talking to Jessica? This would be so much easier if Jessica and I were two dudes and found out we were boning the same chick. We would just give each other a high five or fist pound and continue discussing players stats, who’s the best rapper, or the game from Monday:

Bro 1:
You see that game Monday, The Saints whooped that ass huh?
Bro 2: Yea dude I saw that. I definitely called Grace right after too. WHO DAT!

**high fives each other and laughs**

9 Comments leave one →
  1. September 24, 2010 8:48 am

    what a tangled web we weave. this is a tough one. interested in how this one turns out.

    • Grace Adler permalink*
      September 24, 2010 9:00 am

      So am I…*sigh*…

  2. September 24, 2010 10:22 am

    Wow…you ladies keep upping the ante with almost every post lol. Why don’t you just ask Jessica if she is currently involved with or has dealt with the guy in the past? It sounds like this guy is just a cutty buddy so I don’t even see why it would be that serious to cut either one of them as long as she isn’t currently seeing him.

    • Grace Adler permalink*
      September 24, 2010 10:53 am

      Lol oh if it were that easy, I can’t ask him because he will think I’m checking up on him and that is not the case. And I can’t ask her because it could lead to all kinds of drama especially if she’s seeing him seriously.

      But it will come out sooner or later til then I’m dropping subtle hints by name dropping to see what kind of reactions I get out of both of them.

      • September 24, 2010 1:39 pm

        I guess I’m confused on how you asking her could lead to all kinds of drama…if she is seeing him seriously then isn’t that all the more reason to find out? If she isn’t seeing seriously or at all then it shouldn’t phase her that you asked about him. It’s not you like are asking her for permission to talk to the guy since you are already seeing the guy.

        If you can deal with this guy on an intimate level then I think you have every right to ask him if and how he knows her. He may not like that you are asking him, but if he has a problem with you asking that is his problem. It’s not like you are in a meaningful committed relationship with him so it’s not much of a loss…and if this girl is to be your friend then she shouldn’t have a problem with a simple inquiry. You don’t have to tell her you went through her phone you can just tell her you are currently seeing someone and you want to make sure that you two aren’t dating the same guy. I think that’s a rather reasonable thing to clear the air about. But I don’t know maybe I’m being naive.

  3. September 24, 2010 12:02 pm

    Women are very odd in your female relationships. I guess as men, we develop all our friends at a certain time, and then after that, we don’t really add to them. I can’t even fathom going through another dude’s phone I just met to see if we’re boning the same girl. And if I’m not even at a comfort level with her that I could ask her, why would I even be in my feelings about it?

    • Grace Adler permalink*
      September 24, 2010 1:32 pm

      I agree I RARELY add new friends to my life, as I don’t need anymore. That’s why I pointed out how the situation would have been different if we were men. Most women I know don’t have disposable amounts of men that they mess around with like men do. So a situation like this means nothing to men. I couldn’t fathom you going through another dudes phone either (pause). I did mention that it was quite thirsty of me to do so, but hey I really wanted to know if she was associated with him rather than wait for fb to tell me.

      And to you last question, do you know woman at all? Lol. I’m just saying if she were to ask me if I knew whats his name I would automatically think she’s more than just his friend. Bottom line is I can’t be friends with a girl that is or was “dealing with” a guy that I am currently “dealing with”

      Make sense?

  4. Grace Adler permalink*
    September 24, 2010 2:03 pm

    @Reecie I think it’s best that it come from him since I know him a lot better than I know her. I just don’t like senseless female drama, and not all females are as cool in situations like this. I will find out soon enough and when I do it will be a post lol.

  5. 05girl permalink
    September 25, 2010 6:37 pm

    I can understand the hesitation if she is currently smushing him, but why is it a problem if it’s in the past? we all have pasts.

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