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Dating vs. Friends with Benefits

October 12, 2010

We all know I live in the grey area aka the twilight zone, no really my address should be 123 Grey Area Lane, No Definite Place, USA. So naturally I find it hard to understand the difference between different relationship titles (boo, f*ck buddy, etc.), I just don’t believe in them. For example, lets examine my current situation:

My “friend” or Retread (that’s the name we gave the guy in our office who quit and came back again). He’s a boo from the past who has re-entered my life.  Anyway we didn’t pick up right from where we left off last year but we went from what I guess you (meaning anyone but me) would call friends with benefits to dating…I think *scratches head* . The reason we stopped talking before was because things were being forced and expectations weren’t being met which is a recipe for, “lets not talk anymore.” Anywho now, we see each other every weekend and a weekday here and there. But our rendezvous now consist of dinners, movies, and other “extracurricular activities.” So if I was telling my friends about Retread (which I try not to because no one understands our relationship but us) they would ask, “So are yall dating?”

Well what is the difference between dating and having a friend with benefits exactly?

Friends with Benefits:

Someone to talk to
Outitings paid for by him mostly
Might meet his friends friends and/or family
Feelings might be involved


Someone to talk to
Outings paid for by him mostly
Meets his friends and/or family
Feelings might be involved

I’m sure I might have missed a few things but those are the general aspects of dating and having friends with benefits. Where is the line drawn? Silent says the difference is expectations and I completely agree. When you are just friends with someone there are no expectations, when you’re dating someone there are. However, I don’t have any expectations in either scenario. And in case you were wondering my current status, Retread and I are not dating and aren’t friends with benefits either, we are somewhere in between here and the twilight zone.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. October 12, 2010 9:46 am

    I agree that expectations involved in FWB vs. Dating are different. But I think there is a certain level of respect a man is going to show towards a woman he is dating versus someone they are just f*&king whenever they feel like it. There is more effort, more respect for your feelings, and dating usually has more of a purpose (like to lead to a relationship).

    I say if you are consistently spending time with someone, their efforts to see you increase with the more time you spend, and you actually talk about your relationship or the potential for one then you are dating.

    • October 12, 2010 10:32 am

      I agree with Reecie the expectations involved and level of respect is key!!! I am extremely private about who I date so a FWB would definitely not meet my friends and family until he has crossed over into the other zone. I agree feelings may get involved but that would naturally come with spending a significant amount of time with them.

  2. October 12, 2010 12:20 pm

    I just have an extremely hard time understanding how you can be real friends with benefits. Like if you care about the person as a friend and you truly like them, then you have sex with them can there really be no emotions involved? I just never understood the theory, it makes more sense if you really aren’t that cool you have sex and enjoy it and decide to keep doing it. But for you to have an emotional relationship which friendships are then add a physical level into it, it’s almost impossible for lines to not get blurry.

  3. October 12, 2010 1:29 pm

    The only thing I see valid in the friends with benefits column is sex…and MAYBE someone to talk to. Other than that you’re in denial about being in a relationship because that list is mighty generous for a FWB.

  4. Xiomara permalink
    October 12, 2010 4:45 pm

    I don’t think there is a respect distinction. I don’t even believe in these foolish titles. But if I were to take them into account, I would also be blurring the lines withmy current situations.

    Me and this guy are just mates, but we quite enjoy each other’s company quite a bit and we happen to have sex as well. We talk every day, a few times a day. He takes me out on dates and foots the bill (sometimes I surprise him w tickets to smthng he wants to see), he opens doors and pulls out chairs, he’s introduced me to his friends/family, he has no problem w PDA/holding hands or telling me how amazing he thinks I am/how much he likes me, our sex sessions are epic and his main goal is pleasing me. He’s gorgeous and he’s incredible.
    But it’s still no strings attached! It’s stil pretty much a FWB situation. I have no expectations that this will go anywhere at all. There just isn’t any expectations nor obligations and that’s what makes it amazing. We are two ppl who quite like each other, but don’t want any titles and neither of us want to be in a formall relationship.
    Fuck it, just enjoy it. Don’t try to define it.

  5. Mr. Fantastic permalink
    October 13, 2010 10:14 am

    @RandyZ I think the lists are fairly accurate, even the FWB. Its just different for each title. Someone you’re dating you might bring around the homies, “Ay, this is my girl Grace, yadda yadda”

    You might intro a FWB as “Ay yo, this is Grace I been tellin’ you about… *nudge* *wink* *laugh*”

    I think she only doesn’t meet the homies if she’s just a FB. In which case, we ain’t goin’ out, I might cop a Digiorno and you def. not meeting anybody.

    • Grace Adler permalink*
      October 14, 2010 12:28 pm

      Lmao @ coping a Digiorno.

  6. Sammie permalink
    November 1, 2010 5:03 pm

    I think it depends on both parties the level of respect you get from the guy and how you handle the situation. Either way in my opinion they are both relationships the difference is you have no say in what the other person does.

  7. Claire permalink
    January 27, 2012 1:29 am

    I think it’s more how we perceive the relationship. Some people are dating but one or both of them treat each other like *sugar* or might never take responsibility, even cheating on the other…Some in a FWB relationship but treat each other with full respect and care about each other…I guess it should be called an open relationship, than just FWB.
    Tbh, at the end of the day, it would be kinda painful to realise that the guy/girl you have spent time with did not really have the same feelings like you have for them. I guess FWB relationship works well at first, but later on it brings an undeniable pain, so really have to be careful with what you are getting into. It’s a good thing to follow the feelings but being aware of what it would give you back later on wouldn’t slow down the pace of life 🙂


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