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If he’s acting “different”….

October 26, 2010

The other day I had to listen to two of my friends give similar accounts of how the dude they are dating is acting “different.” In both situations, neither friend wanted to deal with it and said, “Imma just stop talking to him.” I didn’t want to play devils advocate but I asked them, “Do you think there could be something going on with him besides him just not being into you anymore?” Their logic is simple: If he’s not showing the same interest then he’s just not into me anymore. They feel if they’ve felt this way in a previous relationship it sets off a trigger that makes them want to end things without so much as an explanation or a “Please baby, pleasebaby, please baby, baby baby please!”

So why do men go from hot to cold?

Well there are alot of reasons, the most common I would say is, he’s just not into you anymore. And instead of telling you that, he just acts like a cold distant asshole in the hopes that you will drop him. We usually don’t. But besides this reason it may not be you, it may be him but we are so quick to cut things off we don’t think about the other logical reasons:

1) Maybe he’s stressed out-I know plenty of men who aren’t even able to perform in bed when they are stressed. Then they have to deal with you asking, “What’s wrong and why aren’t you treating me the same?” Women can be some selfish creatures. It’s not always about us.

2) He may be giving YOU your space – Most men want to keep their girl interested and they know that smothering a girl can push her away. So he may falling back so you will have time to miss him. Hopefully, you’re not the clingy type and can deal with some time apart. Plus it makes it that much more exciting when you do see him 🙂

3) He may need HIS space– Please don’t confuse this with him not being into you. He may be very into you, he just need some time to himself.

I know we all have baggage, and I would hope we try not to carry them into the next relationship. But sometimes you have to give dudes the benefit of the doubt. If not you will end up with strings of dead end relationship because you weren’t willing to examine the issue and dismiss the relationship based on prior feelings.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. shay permalink
    October 26, 2010 9:26 am

    well said!! As females, we can be very selfish but that is why they refer to us as “emotional creatures”. We need to be able to voice how we are feeling to our significant other and after this discussion decide whether its best to move on or if this “space” is really nothing serious.

  2. amarie permalink
    October 26, 2010 10:08 am

    lately (well the last couple years) when guys pull this i chalk it up to him just not being interested in me because i don’t want to get played. i’ve always heard men say if we’re into you, we’re into you, and we’ll make the time. not sure when i should just chuck the deuces or when i should “investigate” if there’s something else going on in his life. i hate to be that girl clinging on when i’m not wanted.

    • Grace Adler permalink*
      October 26, 2010 10:13 am

      Exactly! It’s a sticky situation because you don’t want to come off as delusional and think a guy really wants you and make up excuses as to why he’s not treating you the same. But sometimes there are other reasons, you just have to make the decision of where the line can be drawn.

  3. Kerry Crenshaw permalink*
    October 26, 2010 9:20 pm

    Wait a minute…. I’m one of the two girls aren’t I? You bitch…

    (For the record, Grace was right in my case…)

    • Grace Adler permalink*
      October 27, 2010 7:29 am

      lol @ Kerry yes, yes you were.

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