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LAZY DATING 2011: My first 30 days

February 8, 2011

This year seems to be the year of the lazy ass men. In the past 30 days I have met so many men who have no problem telling me they don’t plan on putting forth any effort in getting to know me. This has resulted in me going on zero dates thus far.

Guy 1: During our first textersation (Oh how I loathe these), this guy asks me to send him a pic. I was going to give this guy a break, considering I didn’t remember what he looked like either since we met when I was leaving the club. But, I asked him to send me one too and he said his phone doesn’t take pics. I stopped replying soon after. Then he hit me the next day, “So you really not gonna send me a pic.” To which I didn’t reply.

Guy 2:  This guy offered to cook for me for our first date. First he suggested happy hour, but because it was during one of my fasts, he said that he could cook me up something a lot healthier. I know he was testing me, I just don’t have any desire to play that game right now. Okay wait, there was nothing wrong with him or his approach since he did offer happy hour first. I just wasn’t interested.

Guy 3:  This was yet another textersation. (I’ve just been too lazy to demand or make a phone call.) I had a guy tell me I had to work up to a dinner date. [insert loud obnoxious laughter and then *blank stare*] His first attempt at planning (I use that word very loosely) a date was to offer a DVD and pizza date. I told him that I don’t feel comfortable going to any man’s house that I didn’t know. He then replied, “I don’t just go giving out dinner dates. You have to work up to those.” After confirming that was he was serious, I replied with the following: “That’s really cute but I don’t need to work up to anything. Good luck with trying that line on some other girl. No need in texting me any further.”

Guy 4:  I had had a few phone conversations with this guy and he seemed cool enough. I gave him a few suggestions on different nights and for each them he already had plans. Instead of requesting one on one time, he continually invited me on outings with his friends, for example: “Meet me at [club I would never go to]. I really want to see you.” My homeboy told me this is his thought process. ” He’s thinking, she’s hot and I want to show her off. His friends will be thinking he’s gonna hit later on and if she is crazy, he won’t care.” I wasn’t interested and was tired of being the one trying to see him one on one.

*In my defense, I did offer alternatives to most of these guys. I haven’t met anyone that has captivated me enough to leave Sir Trundle (my bed), get dressed, and go anywhere. No dates so far in 2011.

*shrugs*

Uh…. Awkward…

February 7, 2011
by

I can be very awkward at times, especially when it comes to guys. It seems like in dating there’s always some new hurdle to tackle and I’m never equipped with the right tools to deal with the situations.

For instance, the other day my homegirl asked me about my current dating life which, sadly enough, is barely existent. All the guys who I “talk” to are so whatever and for the most part I feel like if my feelings don’t change toward them soon I might as well cut them off. All of them. But I’ve never had to do this before…

Seriously, I’ve never been talking to guys who are cute, cool, kind of funny, that I’m just not attracted to (didn’t even know this was possible, especially in this day and age where there’s a shortage of these types) ….so now what? Is it rude if I just suddenly stop answering my phone? (of course it is) Do I have to call them or send a text to say that I’m no longer interested (I’m sure that’s doing the most). Or do I just friend zone them? Tell them about this new guy I’m seeing (that’s sure to send the message/confuse the hell out of them)…

But seriously, I’m leaning toward the cold shoulder strategy, just not picking up the phone as much. Is that wrong/rude of me?

In Our Inbox

January 24, 2011

Just checked my facebook messages and some random dude sent me this. First of all, thankfully, we have zero friends in common. And second of all, how did he find me?

“DAMN UR SEXXII AZ FUCK!!
WHERE U STAY AT??
mmmmmm!! DAMN THE THNGS A SC0RPI0 W0ULD D0 2U :}”

I’m sorry, umm whaaat?!!

Incomplete

January 20, 2011

I’ve been holding on to several incomplete posts for months now. Here they are in their imperfect glory:

When is the last time you liked someone? Like really liked someone?

I asked myself this question the other day and literally drew a blank. I mean I hang out with guys from time to time when I’m bored. But the last time I hung out with a guy that gave me butterflies and made me want to put all the other guys to the back burner, maybe a year ago? Sometimes I wonder if it’s my unwillingness to let go of past, my geographical location (LA), the fact that I subconsciously consciously select “fun guys”, and when I say fun guys I mean guys that are nice to look at with spontaneous personalities.

Whatever the case is I don’t see this tread changing. I’m in my comfort zone to a certain extent.  A few guys to occupy my time and at same time I have lots of time to be alone. Sometimes I think I’m selfish for living this way, many of my friends are getting to relationships starting families while I’m trying to figure out how I can set up two dates in one night (pimp) or get what’s his name to stop calling me. I feel like I reached my peak when comes to the LA dating scene which means I’ve dated every eligible bachelor whom I care to date. And unless one of the taken ones is breaking up with his girlfriend anytime soon *crosses fingers*. It’s like knowing all the answers to a test and taking it over and over again.

This was more a rant than a post. I was getting tired of guys (read: one guy in particular) not getting the point.

I just want you to loose my number

This post is not subliminal in fact this is the exact opposite of subliminal.

IF….You text/bbm me and most of my responses are LOL, I’m not laughing with you, I”m laughing at you. Most times I’m not laughing at all, I’m actually rolling my eyes and ruing the day I ever exchanged bbm contacts with you

IF…I never want to go out with you. If you have to entice me to hang out with you with the lure of food, drinks (alcoholic), and/or a good movie and I still turn you down over and over again….

IF…I never hit you up (well almost never, you may get that lonely and/or drunk text once or twice never thrice). Since when does minimal to zero effort mean I’m interested? So guys who read this and just did a mental checklist and tried to rationalize why some or all of these don’t apply to you…loose her number! And by loose her number I mean, erase her contact do whatever you need to do to get her out of your phone, don’t hit her up on facebook and leave an awkward comment on her wall, or @ her on twitter. Just leave her alone!

No means No!

Two teenagers have parked at “make out cove” or some other cheesy name for a cliff that teenagers go to make out at. Tommy (starting QB) moves in to kiss Sandy (innocent adolescent name right?). But before Sandy knows it Tommy is trying to make a touchdown in her pants. Sandy has to fight Tommy off and utters the words “NO MEANS NO!”

You may remember this scene from countless 80s and 90s TV sitcoms and after school specials.

He invited me over to watch movies I’d been there before and we’ve been out a few times before so I knew I could come dressed comfortably. Just that comfortable to me is tights and a t shirt. And if you read Silents post you’ll know that I kind of gave him a sign that I was going to be down for whatever. As per usual we had a drink, a particularly strong drink. As laid my head down I knew he was going to go in for the kiss. The kiss was great, best I’ve had in a while actually. But when I tried to pull back I got sucked in, like really sucked in, straddled on the couch, to the floor, to the windows to the wall (no skeet skeet), rolling around deep kissing touching and rubbing. Yea, you get the idea. The whole time I kept thinking “I cannot have sex with this guy, no I will not have sex with this guy”. But him, Im sure he was thinking “I have to have sex with this girl, no I will have sex with this girl”

I made about 8-9 attempts to free myself but he kept going IN. I lied and said I needed to use the restroom and before I could close the door he was in the restroom with me, lights off, and now I’m on the sink and before I knew it on the bed. I knew if I didn’t say anything it would go down. I made 3 more pleas for him to stop. Then finally I said it “No, no means no!”

Editor’s note: I no longer talk to this dude for the above obvious reasons.

Say Something!

January 19, 2011
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There’s a huge difference between the guy that has my number and the guy that knows what to do with it.

Guy #1: He’s cute. He got my number. We’ve talked on the phone a couple of times but I’m one of those people who HATES talking on the phone. So he’s not really going to get anywhere with me… think about it, if you’re cute but boring I’m not going to want to sit on the phone with you seeing as though I can’t see you through the phone lines. Try something else… I stopped talking to guys for their looks only back in 11th grade.

Guy #2: I can’t even remember what he looked like. I know he’s not, not cute. He didn’t get my number, not because I didn’t give it out but because he didn’t ask. However, he did ask my homegirl about me later and added me on Facebook (a pretty lame thing to do btw) but 16 inbox messages later I’m already more interested in him than Guy 1. I actually gave him my number at the end of our conversation before he even asked #Bold but he seemed really cool. Whatever.

Guys some time get a girls number just for sport, just to see if they can “crack” as it’s called in some circles but to be honest, this really means nothing if there’s no follow through.

The number is an invitation and if you show up to the table you’re expected to sing for your supper.

Sidenote: yeah I know I’m not just supposed to sit on the silent either blah, blah, blah but give me something to work with, damn! I can’t be the life-line of the convo.

Is he after me or my bed?

January 18, 2011

Seriously I don’t know what this guys deal is?

Last week I was hanging with an old flame that I had no intentions of doing anything with. (Read: If he would have tried hard enough I may or may not have been down) I told him several times before he came that we couldn’t make the mistake of falling into old habits anymore because I was over it. We’re trying to see if we can be just friends. Plus I was just getting over a small cold, a fact I failed to mention before inviting him over, so nothing really could have happened. BUT, what was the most surprising is that after spending a short amount of time with me in the living room, he got up and went straight to snuggle with Sir Trundle.

There was no warning. He just got up, wiped something from his eye and went straight to my bed.

What

The

Fcuk?!

I sat in the living room for a few minutes completely confused. Did he just go to my bed without saying good night? Naw that didn’t happen.

Did he just go to MY bed without asking?!? Naw that didn’t happen.

But wait. It did just happen! Both those things just happened!

After about an hour of watching tv, I (Kanye) shrugged and went to bed. A bed I was now sharing with this uninvited guest.

I looked over at him and he must have been off in some la la land having the best dream because I swear I saw a smirk on his face. The next day he hugged me goodbye and went home to change for work.

Did I just get used for my bed?

Before I left I just sat with Sir Trundle for a minute and apologized for letting a guest join us for a night of just sleep. Which yes, was the original plan all along, but damn, I didn’t even get the chance to shut him down. The nerve!

My New Crush

January 7, 2011
by

I hate it when this happens.

Last night, I met this guy (we’ll call him Justin*) through my friend Michael.

Background: Michael has a crush on me (kind of) but he also has a girlfriend. I’m completely uninterested in Michael in any romantic way. Girlfriend or not, he’s just not my type. But Justin? His BFF? Gorgeous! And smart… the more he talked the smarter he sounded, and in relation the more attractive he became to me. He was hilarious too… so wait,

Plants… dirt, water, sun….

Kerry….. gorgeous, smart, funny…

Yup he fulfills all of my basic necessities in life. What more is there to know?

Now I couldn’t really tell if Justin was feeling me though. I mean there was a lot of smiling and giggling going on but every time we got a chance to talk one on one, Michael would always come out of nowhere and start talking, interrupting our “us time,” trying to pull me away from Justin literally and figuratively speaking. Around here on the Cereal Daters blog we call this pissing on a girl, you know, marking your territory… and it happens all to often both rightfully and wrongfully…. In this case, it just wasn’t right. I mean, come on cuhz, you have a girl!!!! Can you leave us single folk in here to smile and make googly eyes at one another alone? Please?!?!! Thank you!

At some point during the night:

Mike: Can you give me a ride home?

Kerry: Yeah if you really need me to…

Mike: Ok cool cuz that would be a lot better than Jason taking me. Who wants a guy taking them home when they can have a girl do it?

Huh? What just happened there?

Hours later the night ended with me asking Justin to take Mike home…

Kerry: Can you take him home?

Justin: He wants YOU to take him… [emphasis on you]

At this point I kind of felt like Justin was picking up on the same shade I was picking up on and that was his way of saying it, or I mean, simply commenting on the fact that Mike had an obvious interest in me. I also felt like whatever spark Justin and I had between us had fizzled out. I wasn’t sure if I had misinterpreted earlier signals or if I was right and perhaps he’d backed down because of his boy’s obvious affinity toward me? Do guys even do that? Especially when one of them has a girlfriend and isn’t dating me? Fudge! What to do…

I got some too little too late advice from @SilentScorpion

Scorpion: You should’ve just asked Justin to walk you to your car when you left.

Kerry: Damn you, evil genius! Why didn’t I do that!??!?!?

Scorpion: I don’t know

Kerry: What do I do now?

Scorpion: ……

There’s nothing I really can do (besides Facebook/Twitter stalk him) …which I did, and I found out that much to my delight we only have 30 mutual friends. Of those 30 friends only one is a close friend, only one other went to my high school, and the rest are typical L.A. people/promoters that everyone knows. It’s like a post-Christmas miracle. An attractive, cool guy from LA that I don’t already know???? He must be my birthday gift!

But I kind of missed my opportunity… and I’m still slightly confused as to whether or not I misread his signals. There’s nothing I can do but hope to run into him again huh? Anything else would just be too thirsty *sigh*

He’s my new crush for now… just another guy I hope to bump into again…